taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
