i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
