i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
