Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's always time for handjobs
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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