Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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