pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
