Can i not drive my cunt home
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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