my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
