i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
