She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
