What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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