Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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