exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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