Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woke up backwards on a recliner
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
