Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
