I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
