Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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