if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
