I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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