so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize