sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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