Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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