thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
