Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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