My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
