The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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