i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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