Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
