ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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