I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
