This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
