when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
