Yo dont text me then not text me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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