I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
