i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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