SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
