Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
