you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
