I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
