If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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