So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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