Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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