I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish you could order shots online.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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