I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
