Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You pole danced in your parka.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
