did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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