im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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