I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
