I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
