Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
