His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think your dad took our porno
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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