Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
