Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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