the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sober January is a disaster.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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