Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
