did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
