I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
