I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
