O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
