Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
