Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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