end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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