I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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