I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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