no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize