rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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